Disclaimer: I don’t own DB/Z/GT! Leave me alone!
The
Truth About Windows
by SenakSquared (Krystyl
Kane)
It was an exciting day for Gohan, he had just returned from the computer dealer in the city with two huge boxes. He easily carried them into the house and laid them in the middle of the floor, then began to open the boxes using his car keys to rip the packing tape.
Soon Videl entered the room, “So how did things go at the store?”
“Well I got it,” he paused while taking out the bulky equipment from the packaging, “It wasn’t cheap though.”
She nodded, “I can imagine, although I don’t know much about these things.”
“But I think I got it for an excellent price. At first the hardest part was just choosing the computer, I don’t really understand all the terminology. But don’t worry about it, it’s got a 30 day refundable guarantee on it,” he proceeded in taking out the peripherals, “We got a Compaq Computer which has a Pentium II, four gigabytes, 100 megabytes of RAM, and a Windows 98 operating system all just for a little over two-thousand dollars. Can you believe that?”
“Sure sounds like a great deal,” she concluded pretending that she knew what he was talking about, “Well I’ll guess I just leave that to you.”
She left as Gohan started to set up the system. He had moved everything to the desk and figured out were all of the cables connected to without too much difficulty. “Okay now I just have to push the start button here and see what happens...” He pressed the large button. Lights turned on, clicking noises were present, fans started to activate, and the monitor light up. It was amazing! Soon the Windows 98 splash screen appeared and the system continued to load. Gohan was amazed at the graphics before him, he’d never seen anything like this, not even at Capsule Corp., it had always been in text.
The suddenly the screen turned a brilliant blue color. However it didn’t seem like that it was a good. Gohan had the feeling that the computer wasn’t supposed to do that. It was an error message! (Yes! Yes! We all know this message as the “Blue Screen of Death”) “But I just bought this thing!” Gohan exclaimed. He read the error message and pursued the measure that he knew to take, he typed the magical sequence, ‘ctrl+alt+del’. The system churned and shutdown.
The second time running the computer loaded correctly. A sound played and the system was finally fully loaded. Gohan looked at what there was to offer... ‘My Computer’, ‘My Documents’, ‘My Briefcase’, ‘Internet Explorer’, ‘Free AOL Trial’, and the ‘Recycling Bin’. It all seemed simple enough. Where to begin? He thought. He clicked open the start menu and then on programs, scanning in the list he saw a program called, “Microsoft Word’. He had heard of this and how it could be used to write documents.
The program started and he began to type. He didn’t really know what to type so he just started to write a pretend letter about his computer experience so far. After about two lines, a paper clip, from out of what seems to be nowhere, popped up and a speech bubble appeared above it, “It looks like you’re writing a letter.” Gohan was amazed by this interactive tool. It really was true that computers were able to do such things they say they do! Gohan clicked on the paper clip to shoo it away, because he didn’t need help in writing a letter. The paper clip taped on the monitor screen and continued to say, “It looks like you’re writing a letter.”
Gohan replied, “Yes I’m writing a letter, but I don’t need any help,” he continued to try and get rid of it. But the paper clip didn’t back down, it wanted to help him, even if it had to force Gohan into needing its help. Getting frustrated with the damn thing, he tried to close the window.
The paper clip then asked, “Do you want to save?”
“No,” he sternly replied.
“Okay then, lets try this...” he clicked on ‘My Documents’. There was nothing inside of it. Then he tried ‘My Computer’, but still nothing really exciting there, just stuff about the computer. He soon closed the windows and moved on, concluding that there would be nothing in ‘My Briefcase’ either. “I guess I have to put stuff there.”
Next he tried using ‘Paint’. So far it looked like a neat little program that you could use to make pictures. This would be great for Pan-chan, he thought. He began to try and draw a picture soon finding out that it was that easy. Suddenly the program was interrupted by an error! The error read, “This program has performed an illegal
operation. If the problem persists please contact the vendor.” Illegal? He thought. He spied around the room making sure that no one was around and clicked on the error to end the process of the program.
Gohan sighed and decided to try the Internet. He had heard much about the endless resources that it provided and it surely had to be of some use. He had signed up for AOL with an incredible ‘first 100 hours free deal’. He launched AOL and connected the phone line, soon the modem started to dial. It was the strangest noise he’d ever heard before. There was the dial tone, static noises, ding noises, and other indescribable noises. Finally he was connected to the Internet and the default page loaded in the cluttered AOL browser.
He didn’t know what to really do. “Well it is the Information Super Highway, so I guess I’ll search for something...” In his boredom, he decided to search for system errors, since he’d been having trouble with the new computer. He clicked on the first search available and without any further notice, popups started overloading the system. Popup here, popup there! Pop ups were everywhere! They were coming so fast that he couldn’t get to them all in time. What’s worse is that when one ad was closed another opened. It was a nightmare!
Then he accidentally clicked on one and was brought to a porn site. He cocked his head to the side, “There’s... free porn... on the Internet...? Free?” He glanced some side to side and back again to make sure no one was around. He clicked on the enter sign. Finally, he had found the true usage for computers!
Epilogue: Gohan got caught looking at porn when Pan accidentally clicked on the history down drop box and the parental controls decided not to work. About a month later, the computer crashed because of a Trojan virus and Norton Anti-Virus was too stupid to do anything about it. Gohan contacted Customer Support and got no where and asked for the help of Bulma. Her advice was that he should have gotten a UNIX operating system instead. So eventually he got pissed and blew it up while loudly cursing. Much later he tried to sue Microsoft but lost because of the small print indicating that they weren’t liable for anything that didn’t work.
The End
Sadly that is true that if something doesn’t work, or if everything doesn’t work, you can’t sue Microsoft. Yes this was a pointless story with Windows bashing. God, I can’t believe I’ve been using computers and the Internet since 1994 (Windows 3.11), scary huh?
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